[personal profile] mobiusklein
Het, Sam & Jessica, Sam & Ruby, AU where Sam never got back together with Dean and Jessica never burned up on the ceiling. I think even if he got "normal," he would probably have hooked up with Ruby, anyway.


It starts as an itch under his skin, a feeling of dissatisfaction. He’s so good at denial that he doesn’t even acknowledge the feeling until months after it begins. He’s hired as an associate by the law firm of Schuster & Schuster, is living with Jessica in a nice apartment in the city and life is exactly the way he had planned when he was fourteen.

What he hadn’t planned on was that instead of satisfaction, he would feel a numbing sense of boredom. He briefly wonders if he misses his life before but shakes his head instantly because he has always hated being told what to do and never loved hunting for its own sake. He occasionally wonders where Dean and John are but has never tried calling any of their old numbers.

He can’t really talk about it with Jess because . . . She’s part of the problem. She’s a perfectly lovely girl. She’s beautiful, smart, normal and completely untouched by anything hiding in the shadows. She loves him, doesn’t ask too many questions and comforts him with caring and cookies. She’s the dream girl from all those sitcoms he‘s watched with Dean at night in crappy motel rooms. Yet at night, he feels unenthused, which he blames on long hours at work and stress. She reassures him that she understands, which makes him feel worse.

The sensation doesn’t go away. His bosses order him around and pile his in-basket full of work, most of which is a grind. He tells himself that once he makes partner, all of this will have been worth it. But there is a small voice whispering in his mind that it’s just busy work and that he was meant for more than this. He’s made some friends at the office and a few people from Jessica’s but to be honest, he finds them boring and just puts on the kind of face he used to put on while pretending to be an investigator on a hunt.

***

There’s a new paralegal at work named Ruby. She’s blond and shorter than him but those are the only things she has in common with Jess. She has quite a bit of attitude and loves poking fun of the whole lawyer business. To be honest, she acts like life is one big joke. But she’s always there when he needs someone to work late hours to help him with a case and she always finds the things that help him win a case, as if by magic.

She loves junk food, seemingly living on French fries and chocolate milkshakes. So one night, he asks her how she can eat all that and not gain weight. He doesn’t ask simply out of curiosity but because he feels himself getting soft since he can’t exercise as much as he used to and any office job is pretty stationary. She thinks for a moment before saying, “I make a special energy drink.”

Sam frowns. “It doesn’t have any special ingredients that’ll make you fail a drug test does it?” He’s worried that the magical ingredient is either cocaine or meth.

Ruby rolls her eyes. “I swear it’s got nothing that’ll get you kicked out of the company. It’s all natural ingredients. You can test it.”

The next day she gives him a small thermos full of what appears to be V8. It doesn’t taste good but he finds it strangely addicting. It does what Ruby says it does and it even puts him in the mood more, which Jessica appreciates. As a precaution, he does send it to a lab and it comes back clean of any of the drugs that it tests for.

***
In the bathroom, Jessica looks at the pregnancy test stick in her hand and shouts, “Oh, my God, Sam, I’m pregnant!”

“Congratulations,” he says, trying to look pleased.

Jessica pouts. “You don’t look happy.”

“I am, I am. It‘s just a lot to take in.“ Of course, he had always thought there would be kids eventually because that’s all part of what normal entails. But now that he’s faced with the prospect of actually having to raise a child, who’ll need constant love and care for years to come . . . All he can feel is dread. In that instant he knows that he’s not the type of person who really wants to be a father or has the kind of skills to be one. Even Dean is better at that type of thing than he is.

And he can’t help but feel resentful when Jessica spends the first trimester vomiting and constantly talking about it then beginning to gain weight during the second trimester, her stomach bulging further and further out. What increased appetite he had for her pretty much disappears. He explains his lack of interest as not wanting to hurt the baby. He ignores the hurt expression on her face.

Ruby is the only one he tell about these thoughts. She’s sympathetic and tells him that it’s perfectly all right to feel the way he does. “People say she’s glowing because it’s not like they can say she’s thickening.” They both end up snickering at the thought.

In the meantime, he feels like his head is clearer and sharper. His bosses praise him for his utter ruthlessness in the court room and negotiating settlements. At work, he’s the one that matters, the one everyone looks at with approval. At home, it's all about Jessica and the baby, their needs and wants that are sure to increase once she gives birth.

One night he goes out for drinks with Ruby. Jessica can’t drink because of her condition and he’s been dying to have some beers and maybe, a little whiskey. He’s surprised that Ruby seems to have a bottomless gut for booze. When he mentions this, she just laughs and says, “Oh, Sammy, you’re just a lightweight.”

“Hey, Ruby . . .”

“Yeah, what?”

He takes a moment to gather his thoughts. “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?”

“Maybe because I already have one,” she says, looking at him and squeezing his knee.

Sam feels his cock getting stiff. “I’m married . . .”

“But you don’t want to be . . .”

“There’s a baby . . .”

“That you don’t particularly want . . . How long has it been? A month, two? Your balls must be cobalt blue. You’ve already told me that she’s pretty vanilla in the bedroom. I’m telling you, Sammy, I’m not vanilla . . .”

He briefly gropes for the spot that should be telling him this is a bad idea, that he’s going to hurt Jessica, that he should feel guilty. But it’s not there and all his attempts to resist seem like coins thrown down a bottomless well. “Go on . . .” he said.

Ruby smiles at him and it makes him even harder.

The End

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mobiusklein

September 2011

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